Who were Jesus’ closest friends?
Who were Jesus’ friends? Who did He turn in need? Single Friendly Church founder Jackie Elton explores how Jesus valued his friends, and how this can encourage us in our friendships today.
As a single person in some church settings, I can feel not simply outside the mainstream but out of place entirely. It is so often assumed and expected, either quietly or explicitly, that a spouse and family form the main foundation of life and must be the “norm”.
If you’re single, not living in a family nor with a partner, your key relationships will likely look different to this. For me, it is from friends that I am fortunate to find support, love and belonging, and with whom I can make my journey. These are friends from within church life and those who I have met in other ways.
Who did Jesus turn to?
As we know, Jesus himself as a thirty-something man was not married and did not have children. The pressures he faced daily were surely simply overwhelming – from his disciples who looked to him for guidance in everything, to the crowds who followed him and those who feared and hated him and wanted to trap him.
But did Jesus have friends? Was he lonely? To whom did he turn in need?
His disciples were with him constantly. But they were primarily his followers carrying through his mission. Often, they added to the pressure. His closest friends are rarely mentioned but they are there, if we look a little closer.
Mary, Martha and Lazarus
Jesus’s deepest friendship in the Gospels were very likely with the three siblings – Mary, Martha and Lazarus. It seems all three were single and living together. In John 11:5 it is stated that “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus".
They are not as much part of his immediate mission and ministry as the disciples are. But there are stories of interactions, meals together, true hospitality, devotion and conversations. Their home was a place he could go to relax and enjoy food and warm companionship. There is of course the huge matter of Lazarus’ death too. We see that Jesus feels great grief when Lazarus dies. He weeps for his friend – and then raises him from the dead.
It is also a friendship with some tension as Martha reproaches Jesus more than once, particularly for not coming earlier to save Lazarus from death. Martha speaks to Jesus candidly in the same way we would with our closest friends.
Jesus valued his single friends
I love this story because it truly validates the idea that Jesus really loved his single friends and they loved him. He didn’t expect them or us, unlike so many churches, to be married or produce children. He just loved them as they were, truly valued them and they loved him too. And so, it does tell us that as single people we too are free to love Jesus, that he is full of love for us and we have plenty to say to each other.
Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to have friends, both Christian and non-Christian, single and married. People I can relax and do things with. People who are kind, who host and feed me. People who listen to my stresses, who are honest with me or challenge me out of my comfort zone. Most of the important things I have done in my life are because a Christian friend has not judged me but nudged me. They are people who I hope can also confide in me, turn to me for help and a calm place to be. These friends provide a deep assurance that I am loved and sustained.
Friendship blesses all who share in, who give, receive and simply experience it. It is truly God given and an essential part of the fabric of our Christian journeys. Jesus loved and needed his closest friends, and so do we.
Jackie Elton, Founder of Single Friendly Church Network
“Most of the important things I have done in my life are because a Christian friend has not judged me but nudged me”