Friendship in Church - with Phil Knox
In our latest podcast episode we speak to Phil Knox, an evangelist and missiologist at the Evangelical Alliance and author of the book The Best of Friends: Choose Wisely, Care Well.
"Give the gift of friendship to someone … when we do that we are both a blessing and are blessed ourselves"
Continuing our podcast series on Friendship, Phil Knox joins us to share the personal story behind his book The Best of Friends and what he’s learned from studying friendship. We also explore into the importance of friendship within the church and Christian life, including practical advice for building meaningful relationships, overcoming barriers such as difference and busyness, and embracing the concept of spiritual family.
One thing that stood out to us in our conversation with Phil, was the idea of God as the “great connector” in our friendships. Read more below or listen to the episode now.
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God as the “Greatest Connector”
Phil Knox, Single Friendly Church Podcast, Friendship Series episode 2.
“This was a bit of a surprise to me when I was investigating friendship […] As I looked into the kind of dynamics of how friends are made, I became aware of what I describe as a really annoying superpower – that some people just are incredible at making friends. They just sneeze and they have a lot of really close friends and it just annoyed me! And so I began to look into some of the science of it.
Some people are what's called connectors. Sociologists recognise them. They're just these people who are just brilliant at connecting people. And not only are they good at making friends, they're also really good at connecting other people.
I’ve got, for example, a friend called Andy. And I know a lot of my current friends through my friend Andy. Andy said, “Phil, you really need to meet this person.” As I'm saying this, I reckon there are some people who are listening, and they go “I’ve got a friend like that. They've introduced me to a load of other people too!”
Well, here's the deal. If you want to make good friends, one of the really good things you can do is get to know the Andys of this world because they'll be good at introducing you to other people. That's the first thing.
But then I became aware of this idea that - of all the connectors we know as Christians - the greatest connector is God.
Jesus as “connector”
Jesus Christ is dying for the sins of the world in physical agony, separation. He's about to be separated from his father for the only time in the history of the world. At that moment, he sees at the foot of the cross his disciple John, who's his really close friend – and [he sees] his mother. He says to his disciple, “Here is your mother.” And he says to his mother, “Here is your son.” And he makes a connection, the great connector, at that moment.
Pray for the friends you need in this season
I think that it's almost like an underestimated kind of phenomenon that we don't realise when it comes to friendship. And so what it encourages us to do is, […] if you're struggling with friendship, you are not alone. Loads of us – 51 % of us – struggle to make new friends. This is a really common phenomenon in our world.
What I would say is: Don't just pray for the friends you have, pray for the friends you need in this season and pray for others to have the friends that they need. And when you're about to go into a room of people that you might not know, say to the Lord, “God, would you help me in this moment?”
I still do that. I know I come across as really extroverted. I'm actually quite introverted. And sometimes when I go into big rooms of people, I'm like, “Lord, would you please help me make connections with people today?”
And especially if you're single, you may be going to church for the first time, that's a really good prayer to pray. When you're going to church, maybe you’ve not been for a while, actually you dread the moment when the church leader prays at the end or the last song's played because you're like, “Who am I going to connect with?” Just saying a little prayer in that moment, saying, “Lord, would you just please help me connect?” Because if Jesus at the cross has the presence of mind to connect a mother and a son, I think he cares enough for us in this moment to connect us to the friends we need in whatever season we're in. And that's why that's one of my favourite stories when it comes to friendship.” Listen to our full conversation with Phil
“If Jesus at the cross has the presence of mind to connect a mother and a son, I think he cares enough for us in this moment to connect us to the friends we need in whatever season we're in.”
About Phil Knox
Phil Knox is an evangelism and missiology senior specialist at the Evangelical Alliance. He is passionate about making Jesus known and the power of friendship. He loves learning and has degrees in law and mission and evangelism.
He is an avid runner, enthusiastic waterskier and once broke the world record for the longest five-a-side football match. He is also an award winning performance poet and author of The Best of Friends: Choose Wisely, Care Well, about the importance and power of friendship.