End of Life resources
How can churches help single Christians to plan for End of Life? We have gathered some suggestions for churches based on our End of Life survey.
Planning for End of Life is particularly important for single people who don’t have a partner to know their wishes and social circles. When single Christians pass away, it is usually the family who are given responsibility for the funeral. They may not have been close to the person who died, and a private ceremony with little or no Church input can often be the result.
We want to ensure that the life and faith of single Christians is honoured after they pass on, and that friends and church family are given the opportunity to mourn.
Over half of respondents to our survey shared that their church doesn’t offer any practical help in thinking about End of Life. We hope this resource can help churches to tackle this tricky topic in a sensitive, loving and practical way.
“My spiritual mentor had long talked of the funeral she wanted. None of her family had faith. She spoke to the minister she wanted to do it and gave him very clear instructions which he followed faithfully. It was a very unique funeral and it was comforting to know we were honouring her wishes.”
1. Talk about end of life as a church
As a society we don’t talk enough about death and dying. A recent report from Marie Curie showed that only 14% had spoken with friends or family about their wishes or plans, even though most felt comfortable with the idea.
While death can be a hard and painful topic, it is one that greatly needs normalising. As Christians who believe in life after death, we have so much hope that we can speak into this topic, and so we shouldn’t shy away from talking about it openly in our churches. Planning a talk or sermon series could be one place to start.
Host a ‘cafe’
Your church may want to host a safe space where people can explore end of life in more depth.
The most well-known movement is Death Cafe, a secular group-directed discussion over tea and cake, aiming to increase awareness of death.
A Christian alternative is GraveTalk, a café space organised by churches where people can talk about these big questions. Created by the Church of England, they can provide GraveTalk conversation cards designed to be used with small groups.
“I think we need to be talking more about death. And have more spaces, in church, where the nitty gritty of these end of life matters can be shared.”
2. Encourage people to prepare for end of life
If the time comes and no plans have been made, funeral plans may not be handled according to a single person’s wishes. Many survey respondents shared stories like this:
“The family of a good friend organised a direct cremation with no ceremony or fuss despite the friend being a devout churchgoer. They denied us the chance to say goodbye and give her a fitting ceremony reflecting her amazing faith.”
But when preparations are made and wishes communicated in advance, a single person’s funeral can be a moving and meaningful homage to their life and faith, involving family and friends from across the years.
Point people to resources:
There are lots of resources out there to help people plan for their end of life, including check lists, funeral plans and courses. Encourage people to prepare - and to share their wishes and details with their next of kin.
Church of England: Resources for planning your funeral, including a service planner
Marie Curie: Resources including a checklist
Dying Matters: Resources from HospiceUK including a Planning Ahead tool to explore your values for end of life care.
“If they can afford it, suggest that they pre-plan and pay for their funeral. Then it’s what they would like, rather than relatives having what they want.”
3. Encourage church members to discuss End of Life as a community
As church families it’s good to support each other in thinking through these vital issues. And it’s important for single people to be able to discuss big decisions on end of life with others, rather than carrying the weight alone.
For single people living far from their family, they may also need to list a close friend as their emergency contact. Providing opportunities where these issues can be discussed can make these conversations and decisions easier.
“I am estranged from my only sister and her adult children. I am very fortunate as friends have stepped in as next of kin and [Power of Attorney] and I have given them details of my funeral plan. I have paid for it in advance and planned my funeral service in the hope to lighten their load.” – Alison
Ensure the church and next of kin can connect
As an individual, it can be helpful to give someone in church the details of your next of kin (e.g. friend or small group leader). Should anything happen to you, your church family will be able to connect with those with legal responsibility - and stay informed about funeral arrangements.
Ensure that your next of kin also has the details for your church. Your church family will want the opportunity to attend your funeral to honour your life and say goodbye – and you can’t assume they will be invited. You should also make a contact list to inform about your passing, especially if they are unknown to your next of kin.
I was at a funeral yesterday of a very popular and well known widower. The funeral hadn't been advertised well, I didn't see friends and acquaintances there. It's not just the funeral content that needs to be considered but also letting people know of the death through as many channels as possible.
If you aren’t close to your family, you may also want to consider writing your own eulogy to share with close friends. This will help them to give tribute to areas of your life they may be unaware of, such as your early years.
“I’ve been to one funeral of a dear single friend where her family provided ample space for friends to contribute. They acknowledged during the family tribute that many of her friends were as close or closer to her than family.”
4. Run an event or course to guide people through End of Life planning
One of the most effective ways to help your church plan for end of life is to host an event about it. This could be as simple as walking people through some ideas for their funeral (e.g. songs and Bible passages) – or a whole series on spiritual and practical preparation.
You could draw on the resources above and create your own course, or find a course already running.
The Omega course was one suggested from our survey.
Aspects of Later Life is a 5-session course developed by All Saints Guildford. They have kindly shared the outline with us to pass on. Download here
Further Resources:
The Art of Dying Well, a website provided by the Catholic Church of England and Wales, covering a range of topics including the importance of talking about death.
Anna Chaplaincy, from the Bible Reading Foundation (BRF), have lots of helpful resources for church leadership and chaplains.
5. Ensure pastoral support is available for all who are grieving
When someone loses a close family member, support is usually quickly offered by churches. Do we offer similar support for those who have lost a close friend?
When a single person passes away, it may not be immediately obvious who is grieving. Their friends and small group for instance may feel their death keenly and need pastoral support.
“My grandmother, a widow, is very close with a group of older ladies at her church. Some are lifelong singles, others widowed or married. In the last few years several have passed away leaving their friends feeling their loss so much. The church has been great at supporting them in their grief.”
Be mindful of your general language around bereavement and focussing solely on the family of those who have died. The departed may have been just as close (or closer) to friends as to family, and their friends can feel their loss just as deeply.
You may want to consider running a bereavement course in your church to help those who are grieving. The Bereavement Journey is an excellent option.
At A Loss is a great organisation who signpost to grief support options available for all different situations.
If you have experiences or thoughts about these issues we would love to hear from you, especially if your church has a loving and helpful approach to discussing end of life. Please get in touch with us.
Single Friendly Church Network ran a survey on End of Life – read more about our findings here.