Interview
Ottery St Mary's Single Friendly journey
Under a beautiful blue sky on 4th September, two of the Single Friendly Church Network team visited the latest church to become an officially Single Friendly Church.
Liz and Mike were both in the area so went to the stunning setting of Ottery St Mary Parish Church. The beautiful church, where the poet Coleridge worshipped, is like a mini cathedral, apparently based on the plans of nearby Exeter Cathedral.
The SFCN team members visited Lydia, Team Rector, and found out about the great things the church has done as part of our 5 Steps Audit Process.
Changes include their new welcome sign, the single friendly seating lay out in the café area and the sign up sheet for their new ‘Friendship’ lunches.
Liz and Mike also met Sue, who was part of the church's working group on the issue. She was excited to share how the church had made changes to ensure that single people are welcomed, valued and included.
"We had a look at the way we do our refreshments. It came out of our meeting that some people found it difficult to join in if they were on their own, so we decided to set up our tables into small groups. It’s made some people stay who wouldn’t have stayed for coffee before."
The working group is made up of a variety of people, some single and some who are single in church (their partners do not attend). The meetings have gone so well that they are continuing to discuss what more they can do.
Mike and Liz presented the church with its Single Friendly Church certificate and expressed their appreciation for the great work done by the group.
Rev Lydia said, “I'd really encourage churches to do the Audit. There are some very simple things you can do that can transform your church, without having to spend hundreds of pounds […] It's just looking at your church with fresh eyes and thinking what would be my experience as a single person coming in.”
Read our full interview with Ottery St Mary Parish Church below.
Sign up to become a Single Friendly Church here.
If you need any support completing the Audit, please do not hesitate to get in touch with Liz our Church Engagement Officer.
Full interview with St Mary's Church in Ottery St Mary
How did you start your journey to becoming a Single Friendly Church?
Sue: “Lydia saw that we could register as a Single Friendly Church. We asked for some people who wanted to be involved. There was a group of us - single for different reasons - who met together. And that’s one of the things we discovered - that you can be single for lots of different reasons when you come into the church building, either because you’re on your own, or you’ve been widowed or you have a partner but they don’t come to church. We had a chat about our experiences coming to church as single people - issues that we’ve come across and also positive things.”
What change have you made that’s made a real difference to single people?
Sue: “We had a look at the way we do our coffee and refreshments after the service. We used to have one big table that people could sit around - or people would just mill around. It came out our meeting that some people found it really difficult if they were on their own to join in with that group.
We decided to set up our tables into small groups and we’ve found that’s really worked because people have sat down and felt confident to talk in small groups and get to know each other, rather than having to dive in and force their way into a big group of people. I think it’s made some people stay who wouldn’t have stayed for coffee before.”
What first attracted you to the Single Friendly Church process?
Lydia: “We’re very passionate about how we welcome people into church and how we make everyone feel included.
"When I saw the advert for SFC in a newsletter, I thought it would be a really good thing to look at, get in a group together and hear people’s experiences of being single in church - whatever that meant. And also realising we could make some very simple changes that would make our church more welcoming and inclusive"
What would you say to church leaders thinking about doing the Audit?
"I'd really encourage them to do the Audit. There are some very simple things you can do that can transform your church, without having to spend hundreds of pounds or go through a very difficult process.
"It's just looking at your church with fresh eyes and thinking what would be my experience as a single person coming into this church.
"When you do that, you realise some things that you think “perhaps I should have been doing that already”, some things you are doing already, and some very simple things that you can change, be that about language, about seating, all sorts of things.
"It’s easy wins that make everyone feel welcome.”