Dani Treweek on the Significance of Singleness
Single Friendly Church Network hosted an inspiring conversation with Rev’d Dr Dani Treweek about her new book Single Ever After: A Biblical Vision for the Significance of Singleness.
Over 75 people joined us on 17th March from the UK and beyond to hear from Dani Treweek, who encouraged us to look at singleness with a vibrant fresh vision. She also unpacked topics such as the "gift of singleness" and unanswered prayer, as well as sharing thoughts on why friendship is so important in church community.
Check out a snapshot of our conversation with Dani below. If you missed the event, the full recording is now available to watch on YouTube.
“Singleness has a goodness, a dignity [and] a significance”
Beth [Single Friendly Church]:
In church culture, singleness is often spoken of as good because you have “more time” to serve God and do ministry. And sometimes we have seen this lead to people feeling that they're expected to serve more in church, or they’re “useful labour” – when we know that singleness is about so much more than that!
One of your big ideas Dani is that is that singleness isn't just instrumentally good, but it's also intrinsically good. Could you explain that, and why does it matter so much for us?
Dani Treweek:
This was what I did a PhD to really engage with, because, like you had expressed, I had sort of heard singleness was only spoken of as good when it was useful. Like, singleness is an instrument, not like a piano or a guitar, but like a shovel or a fork. It lets you do a certain task, which, in this case, is ministry, whether that's in sort of a vocational sense or, you know, just committed to ministry in your everyday life.
That was as much as I felt the church was able to say about singleness, that it's only good if you're putting it to good use. And in fact, even more so, it's only good if other people think that you're putting it to good use. And if you're not feeling good about your singleness, if you're struggling to put it to good use to serve God and love other people well, then what does that mean? Well, it means that actually probably you shouldn't be single. You know, there isn't anything good about your singleness if it's not good in that instrumental sense.
And I was really wrestling with that, because certainly, there I was in full-time ministry, and so I was “okay”, because my singleness was legitimate - I was putting it to good use in everybody else's sight. But what about all my single friends who were faithful, mature, everyday Christians, loving Jesus, serving His people just in the everyday of life? Who weren't feeling good about their singleness, who were actually feeling anxious and confused and concerned about it, but they couldn't just magically make themselves get married. It was not like a spouse was suddenly appearing, and so they were kind of stuck in no man's land.
It actually came down to the character of God for me. I know that God is good, and I know that God is sovereign, and so there must be more to this situation than just being stuck in no-man's land, where he withholds the goodness from you, but also withholds the opportunity to change into something good. There has to be more about singleness here. And so that's where I really went back, and I looked at church history, I looked at Scripture, I looked at various theologians, and I realized, actually the Bible does have a vision for singleness that is not just saying “It's good if you use it well”. But that it's good in and of itself. That's the intrinsic, so instrumental versus intrinsic, that singleness has a goodness, a dignity, a significance, a meaning, just by nature of what it is.
“I went back, and I looked at church history, I looked at Scripture, I looked at various theologians, and I realised, actually the Bible does have a vision for singleness that is not just saying “It’s good if you use it well”. But that it’s good in and of itself.”
And really, the avenue into that for me was through Matthew Chapter 22, where Jesus says to a bunch of religious leaders that in the resurrection age, in the new age to come, there will be no marriage. Marriages on earth won't continue through to the next creation. No new marriages were made. And I just realized, hang on a second, that means that we will be, you know, quote-unquote, “single ever after”. And so, actually, if singleness is going to be what our perfect, wonderful, eternal reality is, then that must give it a dignity and a meaning and also a significance here and now. And that, I am convinced, is the intrinsic meaning of singleness.
In case anyone's thinking, well, how haven't I heard this before? I was the same. I had never heard it before, but when I went back and I looked at history I discovered for the first 1500 years of the church, it was there. They actually grasped this in some weird and wacky ways sometimes, but they grasped it. It just hasn't been present in the last 500 years or so of our thinking as Christians, and so this is not new and it's not novel, it's actually a retrieval of what the Church has always held and thought and believed.
“It actually helps us to know that our singleness is good in God’s sight, because He has given it a good purpose.”
Beth [Single Friendly Church]:
Could you explain a little bit more about why that is good news? How is the idea about being “single ever after” good for us now?
Dani Treweek:
It's good for us as single Christians now, because it actually helps us to know that our singleness is good in God's sight, because He has given it a good purpose. We don't need to base the legitimacy of our singleness on how we feel about it. In fact, we should be trying to align how we feel about it with how God sees it. And so, that can be hard, but I also think it's good news. We do have dignity and meaning and significance in our singleness, regardless of our experience of it.
But it also means that it's very important for the church. The church needs us, because just as marriage is a preview, a foretaste, a foreshadow of the reality to come in the new creation, where the church as a whole, all of us together, will be married to the bridegroom Christ, and human marriage now is meant to point us towards that reality.
Actually, human singleness now is meant to point us towards a different aspect of that reality, which shows what our relationships with each other are going to be like in eternity. That means the church actually needs single Christians just as much as it needs married Christians to help us set our eyes on Jesus and the eternal life, and what that eternal life is going to be like, that we're looking forward to.
Watch the full recording on YouTube for more insights from Dani Treweek on singleness. Her new book ‘Single Ever After’ is available now via The Good Book Company.
About Single Ever After:
Singleness is often viewed as a “plan B” by our culture and the church, and sometimes by single people who feel they’re missing out on their “happy ever after”. Dani Treweek offers a thought-provoking reframing of popular conversations around singleness.
Rich, nuanced and witty, Single Ever After is an uplifting read that debunks some of the misconceptions surrounding singleness, marriage and meaning. By diving deeply into key Bible passages, it answers questions such as “Does my singleness have a purpose?” “What actually is the gift of singleness?” and “Is marriage the only solution to feeling lonely?”
Reorienting you to the biblical significance of singleness, Treweek shows how the abundant life Jesus promises his followers applies to all believers. She highlights how both marriage and singleness serve as meaningful signposts to our eternal future: one where together we'll be married to Christ while as individuals we'll be "single ever after".
Whatever your relationship status and however you currently feel about it, this biblical perspective on singleness will encourage and empower you. Married Christians will also learn more about how to help make church a community where single brothers and sisters thrive.
Single Ever After: A Biblical Vision for the Significance of Singleness is available to purchase online here
About Dani Treweek
Dani is a post-doctoral theological researcher, author, and speaker with a focus on biblical singleness, sexuality, theological retrieval, and worldview formation.
Dani is the author of The Meaning of Singleness (IVP Academic, 2023) and Single Ever After (The Good Book Company, 2025). She is also the founding director of the Single Minded Ministry.
She is an ordained Anglican deacon who serves as the Sydney Anglican Diocesan Research Officer and as a member of the Diocesan Doctrine Commission and of the Australian Anglican General Synod.
She writes for publications such as Christianity Today, ABC Religion & Ethics, and The Gospel Coalition Australia, and speaks frequently at conferences, events and on podcasts. You read more about her work here.