A Single Friendly Guide to Christmas Services
While many single people enjoy celebrating Christmas, they can also find it a difficult time of year. 70% of people in our 2022 survey said they found at least some aspects of Christmas hard. How do you navigate this as a church in your Christmas services?
Many churches nowadays run several services and events over the Christmas period. We encourage churches to see this as a positive opportunity to provide something for everyone in your Christmas plans.
We recommend taking different approaches to different services. While your crib service may be more family-focussed, other services will need a broader more spiritual approach. Here are some ideas for making your Christmas calendar welcoming for single people, based on their feedback…
“My church has an evening carol service and that is brilliant.”
1. Make sure your carol service is single friendly
Nearly 80% of single people in our Christmas survey said they enjoy attending carol services. So your service may well be full of single people of all ages! This is a great opportunity to provide a service that speaks to everyone, and is accessible for those coming alone and without children.
It’s worth checking that the language you are using from the front isn’t family-focussed, and that your welcome and post-service activities are inclusive for all. You’ll find lots of tips in the rest of this resource…
2. Warmly welcome people coming alone
Not everyone attends Christmas services with family or friends – lots of people will be coming on their own. Christmas services are also among the most attended by non-church goers, who may not know anyone else there and may be feeling apprehensive.
Make it easy for people to come alone. You may want to help them find somewhere to sit, especially if they are new. If you serve coffee or mince pies after carol services, ask some friendly church members to look out for people by themselves. Not everyone will feel comfortable staying, so having someone on the door at the end of the service can also help people feel seen and “welcomed” as they leave.
In the lead up to Christmas, consider how you can encourage the whole church to be outward looking. Many single people in our survey told us that “church family” doesn’t feel like it applies to Christmas – and this can feel extremely isolating. Don’t leave welcoming just to the ‘welcome team’. It’s up to all of us to ensure everyone feels part of the church family all year round.
“Walking into a carol service can be really intimidating, people bring their extended families, there’s a lot of hype and expectation that it will be a great time of year.”
3. Sharing the Peace
Lots of churches share the Peace in Christmas services – and this is a great way of getting people to welcome each other. But when families turn inwards to greet each other first, it can be awkward for those standing on their own. When you introduce the Peace from the front, try to encourage people to turn to someone outside of their own family or friendship group first - before greeting those they came with.
4. Remember those who are hurting
Christmas can a painful time for many people. For some single people, the focus on families and children is a reminder of what they long for but don’t have. Others may have recently lost a partner or loved one. Some will have experienced a family break-down and find Christmas a complex time. It can also be hard for couples who don’t have children, full-time carers, those far away from their families, and many more.
Be mindful of this when planning services and talks, and have a moment in the service to acknowledge the pain people may be facing. This could be mentioned in the prayers, in the talk, or perhaps by offering an opportunity to light a candle and reflect. We have a Christmas prayer resource to help guide your prayers.
Run a Blue Christmas service
Your church may want to hold a Blue Christmas service. Sometimes called ‘the Longest Night’, this is an alternative service for those who find Christmas a difficult time. It provides a comforting and reflective space for people to come as they are, and be met with the quiet hope of Christmas without minimising the pain they are carrying. Here are some helpful resources for running a Blue Christmas service:
Methodist Church (carols, readings and liturgies)
Church of England (digital tips and resources)
Church Support Hub: How we adapted Blue Christmas for the bereaved.
5. Give a talk relevant for everyone
There are lots of ways to open up the Christmas story in a way that is engaging and relevant for all. Sometimes a simple focus on what the good news of Christmas meant to those in the Bible - and for all of us today - can be the most profound.
It can be tempting to draw comparisons between families today and the Holy family. We’d encourage you not to use this as the opening hook of your sermon, and to be wary of telling stories about your own experience of pregnancy or having children.
Your talk could look beyond Mary and Joseph to other Bible characters who were profoundly changed by the coming of Christ. Telling the stories of Anna and Simeon, who found joy and fulfilment in encountering the baby Jesus, or the shepherds on the hillside who were welcomed into the mystery of Jesus’ birth, offers a deeper perspective. You could also talk about how the Christmas story is set far from home, with Mary having the baby Jesus in very unplanned conditions in very uncertain times.
“Services that simply focus on the beauty of what Christmas actually means, without an over-focus on children and nuclear family, can have such a simple but profound impact. After all, it’s the very-inclusive, rejoice-with-those-who-rejoice, mourn-with-those-who-mourn Gospel.”
6. Find a balance on Christmas morning
Only 40% of single people said they like to attend church on Christmas morning. Sometimes this is because the focus on children can be painful, or it can be hard to sit alone surrounded by family groups.
While you may have lots of families present, remember in the language you use that not everyone will have family to celebrate with today. Also be mindful of asking children what they got for Christmas. Not only is this hard for people who don’t have children, but it often exposes differences in wealth very starkly, and can put pressure on single parents.
After the service, most people understandably want to rush home to cook Christmas lunch or get back to their festivities! This can be hard for those who don’t have any plans. It could help to have someone on the door to connect with anyone leaving the service alone. You could also connect people to offer lifts to anyone who can’t get to church without public transport. Having someone to arrive and leave with can make the service much more enjoyable.
We hope that this resource helps you plan something that everyone can connect with this Christmas. We also have lots of ideas on how your church can ensure everyone has someone to spend Christmas with. Check out our other Christmas resources here.